Masks

I went to the grocery store yesterday, and I wore my mask. Joanna made it for me. Wearing the mask outside is OK. When I got into the store, though, I felt like I was suffocating. I got a little panicky and had to calm myself down right there in the produce section. Claustrophobia took over. Spent five minutes by the berries to get myself together. Good thing I made a list. Otherwise, I would have run out of the store with only half of my list. 

Most people were really cool about shopping in masks and staying their distance. But it wasn't enough for one guy, who came down the aisles, claiming he needed six feet from all of us, and we needed to leave the aisle. I am not proud of it, but he was very obnoxious, and I snapped at him. A nice lady calmed me down. I lost my patience. 

I totally understand the need for a mask, and as time goes on, I'll get used to it, and some day I won't think about wearing it. But I'm not there yet. 
In this time of isolation, we've already lost actual physical contact. I've lived alone for most of my life, and I don't get much in the way of touch in the best of times. But I do miss hugs from my family. Now, with the masks, I can't see people's facial expressions, especially a random smile from a stranger. Everything is communicated through the eyes. We lose a little bit more of our humanity day by day. 

It is all for a good cause, keeping people healthy. I follow the rules, unlike these assholes who are protesting the stay at home shut down. I feel like banging my head on the table because they are so stupid. And the president supports them. 

Crude oil closed today at -37.63. It's unprecedented. All these people who hold contracts on the oil have to take delivery of it, and most people have no where to put it, so they're paying people to take it off of their hands. 

The stock market dropped 600 points. 

But the corona virus is all consuming. There are still so many questions about it. Can you get reinfected with it? Why doesn't everyone get very sick? those are a few of mine. 

I finally finished a detective novel. It took me weeks. That is because my head is in the news, as if I can do anything about it. 

In It For The Long Haul

I am so glad I live in a state with a governor who believes in science and following the advice of experts. The president is pushing to open everything back up on May 1st. According to the experts, this will be disastrous, because the virus will spread. What does it take for people to understand that staying home is for everyone's good? These people who are protesting the stay at home orders imposed by the governors are so stupid. They'll get sick from doing this. But they're so afraid that these public health measures are tyrannical. 

My head is ready to explode from all the awful news, especially having to do with the president not responding quickly enough to the threat of covid-19. Every day, he gets crazier and crazier, and the press acts like his behavior is normal for a grown man, let alone a president. His followers are brain washed. He has a press briefing every afternoon, and he says the same thing, give or take a few meltdowns. He's ready to fire the Dr. Fauci, who is the premier doctor of virology and epidemiology in the united states. 

Over the past two weeks, I have spent most of my time in my pajamas. Days go by without me showering or dressing in real clothes. The only places I go are to the supermarket, the dispensary,Richard and Gregory's, the Bakers, Nancy and Chris', and to the coffee drive through. I do get out most days, if only to drive around. I have spots where I like to park - St. Peter's at Mare Island, the ferry building parking lot, and the lake at Dan Foley park, which i found today. It is a welcome relief from my apartment with the 6 1/2 foot ceilings. The walls do close in sometimes. 

A couple of weeks ago, I had a video call with my friends, the Divas. I got up early, showered, blew dry my hair, and made a cup of coffee. We recreated the lunches we used to have, before the sickening. It was so uplifting, a total dopamine infusion. The wonders of modern technology.  

Laura is one of the Divas, and is teaching second grade throughout this stay at home time. Justine is teaching pre-k through this. Teacher and children meet three times a week in Google hangouts and see each other's faces. 

I am back home after this morning's adventure, and I just made myself steel cut oats, with blueberries, and touches of whiskey, milk, and brown sugar. I'm putting off going to the grocery store until tomorrow, when I will shower once again. Two adventures tomorrow - the supermarket and more Downton Abbey at Richard and Gregory's. 

For the rest of today, I'm going to stay off of Twitter, and delve into the detective novel i am reading - Maisie Dobbs. The time from of the series is 1914 through to the 1930s, kind of like Downton Abbey. I find that era has similarities to our own right now - a pandemic for one. Here's hoping there will be no war, although maybe that is what has happened already. A biotech war. 

No End in Sight

It is a grey and chilly morning. If I don't look at my phone, I can't tell what day it is. But I did look at my phone this morning, and it is Saturday. The days are blending into one, and since the peak of the virus isn't supposed to hit for two weeks, we are going to be sheltering in place for a long time. The schools are closed, but teachers are teaching on-line. In my opinion, we are in this for the long haul, likely not before the end of summer, if then. 

I do have a routine. I wake up around 10:30, lay in bed, looking at twitter; make coffee; drink coffee; talk on the phone and text; write a little; shower (or not); dress in real clothes (or not); drive around Vallejo (gas is 2.59/g); maybe go for a walk;come home; make dinner; listen to Rachel Maddow and Lawrence O'Donnell, watch the late comics on YouTube, spend a bit more time on Twitter; fall asleep. It's sustainable Occasionally, I go to the grocery store or the gas station. 

Almost everyone around the world is doing the same thing. It is mind blowing. Since people have been under stay at home orders, the earth has been healing. Human beings have decimated the environment, and now, it's coming back. 

I thought I would be more freaked out about this, but I am handling isolation pretty well. I think it's because there is no pressure on me to do anything, because we are all doing the same thing. I am becoming more mindful, since being in the future does freak me out. I'm doing my best to stay grounded in today's reality.